Sunday, December 5, 2010

Its been a while

Its been a long time since I have written anything. I think about it frequently but I can't seem to find the right words or make the time. We have had 3 car wrecks with in the last month or so. I actually had 2 of them. One Sunday leaving church going the the relief society luncheon one the Young Single Adults hit me, nothing to major. Exchange insurance info and we both went to the luncheon, the next week Brett and Brittany and Calan were in bad car accident. That morning driving to church (I drive about 40 minutes) Rick is already there so I go by my self. I was listening to a CD and I had the thought of our 4 children. The thought came to my mind so very clearly of Rachel standing in the middle with Aaron and Brett on either side of her as she spoke at Meridith's funeral. I know someone might say how could think about all 4 of them. Meridith was there in front of them, and the thought came to me that there is not anything that the 4 of them can not accomplish. Meridith is there cheering them on, wanting whats best for us all and wanting us to return to be with her. Its hard to write my feelings on this. I can't seem to put down the right words to make it seem as real as it was to me driving to church. Then I came home and was sewing something and the phone rings. Rick answers the phone and tells me that they have been in a car accident. My heart just drops. Car accident, please not another one, is everyone ok? The thought of losing another child is unbearable. . I know that I would have to find the strength but how.... then we got to them and I see them standing and then I see the car. Then I see Aaron and Kim, I think how strange for them to be there. Peggy Heap a friend of ours saw Brett and Brittany and stopped. What a relief for her to be there for the support as she put her arms around me I know she understood my feelings of another car accident. Here in one blink of an eye I could lose 4 family members. What a terrible thought that would be. Thankfully everyone is doing fine. Rachel and Haylee came up there, it scared Haylee, for her the only thing she knows is that a car accident is bad and that people die. But we reassured her and then they left. The next weekend I hit a deer. I was so frustrated, I had to teach Relief Society that day on faith.

Faith, its my faith that carries me through these extremely tough times. Its my faith that lets me know I have a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who loved me enough to die for me. Its my faith that allows me the knowledge that I will one day be reunited with Meridith. I am grateful for that knowledge. There are days that I so struggle with everything, and I wonder what am I suppose to learn..I just don't know. I was talking to a very dear friend the other day and I said is it patience that I am suppose to learn, IF so THEN I must not be getting it. It seems that I am tried over and over again. BUMMER.

Today was testimony meeting at church. It was really good. We have some amazing YSA's. Some have had real struggles and trials, but have managed to figure out what's important and be where they should be. I often wonder why I am there, except I know that Rick is to be there. He is really good with them. I know that my testimony is being strengthened. Its been good for me to see that there are YSA out there who do stay on the right path, even though its tough.

4 comments:

Natalie said...

Hi Robin, I'm here feeling it with you. I wish we could be together to talk about things. So sorry about all the accidents and the trials. It is soooooo hard.

I do know you are great with the young adults and actually with everyone. You are so needed there. You have a fantastic way the people and I know they are blessed to have you in their midst.

Come and see me soon. My number is 801-971-0006

Love ya.

Melly said...

You're example to others,Never give up,
P.U.S.H
One night, a man was sleeping in his cabin when suddenly his room was filled with the light and the Creator appeared.

The Creator told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Creator explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.

The man did the same, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain...

Since the man was showing signs of discouragement, the Adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's weary mind:

"You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You can never move it," thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough." And that is what he planned to do, until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Creator. "Creator," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

The Creator responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push." "Now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But is that really so?

Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back is sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith in My wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock." At times, when we hear a word from the Creator, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what the Creator wants is just obedience and faith in Him.... By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still the Creator who moves the mountains. When everything seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H.! When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H.! When people don't react the way you think they should ... just P.U.S.H.! When your money looks gone and the bills are due ... just P.U.S.H.! When people just don't understand you...
Just PUSH! P.U.S.H - Pray Until Something Happens

I have a good life said...

It has been a while. I am sorry about all the heartache and stress in your lives. Your family is amazing. Your daughters (I never really have had the chance to get to know your sons) are amazing. You are right that you have four wonderful kids. Why we have so much heartache and struggle is hard to understand sometimes. I am right there with you on wondering when I will learn te patience that I am supposed to learn!

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