Its been a long time since I have written anything. I think about it frequently but I can't seem to find the right words or make the time. We have had 3 car wrecks with in the last month or so. I actually had 2 of them. One Sunday leaving church going the the relief society luncheon one the Young Single Adults hit me, nothing to major. Exchange insurance info and we both went to the luncheon, the next week Brett and Brittany and Calan were in bad car accident. That morning driving to church (I drive about 40 minutes) Rick is already there so I go by my self. I was listening to a CD and I had the thought of our 4 children. The thought came to my mind so very clearly of Rachel standing in the middle with Aaron and Brett on either side of her as she spoke at Meridith's funeral. I know someone might say how could think about all 4 of them. Meridith was there in front of them, and the thought came to me that there is not anything that the 4 of them can not accomplish. Meridith is there cheering them on, wanting whats best for us all and wanting us to return to be with her. Its hard to write my feelings on this. I can't seem to put down the right words to make it seem as real as it was to me driving to church. Then I came home and was sewing something and the phone rings. Rick answers the phone and tells me that they have been in a car accident. My heart just drops. Car accident, please not another one, is everyone ok? The thought of losing another child is unbearable. . I know that I would have to find the strength but how.... then we got to them and I see them standing and then I see the car. Then I see Aaron and Kim, I think how strange for them to be there. Peggy Heap a friend of ours saw Brett and Brittany and stopped. What a relief for her to be there for the support as she put her arms around me I know she understood my feelings of another car accident. Here in one blink of an eye I could lose 4 family members. What a terrible thought that would be. Thankfully everyone is doing fine. Rachel and Haylee came up there, it scared Haylee, for her the only thing she knows is that a car accident is bad and that people die. But we reassured her and then they left. The next weekend I hit a deer. I was so frustrated, I had to teach Relief Society that day on faith.
Faith, its my faith that carries me through these extremely tough times. Its my faith that lets me know I have a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who loved me enough to die for me. Its my faith that allows me the knowledge that I will one day be reunited with Meridith. I am grateful for that knowledge. There are days that I so struggle with everything, and I wonder what am I suppose to learn..I just don't know. I was talking to a very dear friend the other day and I said is it patience that I am suppose to learn, IF so THEN I must not be getting it. It seems that I am tried over and over again. BUMMER.
Today was testimony meeting at church. It was really good. We have some amazing YSA's. Some have had real struggles and trials, but have managed to figure out what's important and be where they should be. I often wonder why I am there, except I know that Rick is to be there. He is really good with them. I know that my testimony is being strengthened. Its been good for me to see that there are YSA out there who do stay on the right path, even though its tough.