Sunday, August 17, 2008

When your prayers seem unanswered

Several years ago I bought this book by S. Michael Wilcox. I read it then, the other night I was looking for another book and rediscovered this one. I guess at this time I must need it, as I picked it up there was a page that was marked about God being a 4the watch God. It gives the example of when Christ had feed the 5,000 and he instructed his disciples to get into a boat and pick him up later. He spent time in prayer and the disciples went into the boat. The storm came and they were fearful for their lives, they did not know that Christ was watching them. They only knew that the storm was bad and they had rowed along time, they were tired and exhausted. Christ came to them and and told them to be of good cheer and it was him. I imagine the disciples would rather have had Christ come earlier to them, but he didn't. When Joseph Smith went into the grove of trees to pray, and felt like his very life was going to end, then a pillar of light came over him. It seems that the Lord tend to come when we are a moment of great despair. I guess I'm more of a please come early and take away any problems that I might be facing, I don't want to do this alone. I often think of the early saints and all that they went though. Would I have had the faith to endure? I would hope that I would.  I can remember when my sister was going through a really diffcult time. My niece went to visit her dad and when it was time for him to send her back to Terri he did not. It took along time to finally get her back, but during this process one day I realized that I prayed for Cindy to be returned to Terri and (if) Bobby prayed (I doubt it) he would want Cindy to stay there. Not because he wanted her but because it would hurt Terri. I remember being on Roberts Cutoff and it came to me that if he answered my prayer then he would not be able to answer Bobby's prayer. Now I realize that I wanted what was best for Cindy and I don't feel he did. How can God answer mine and not his. Now here I am many years later, feeling like my prayers aren't going anywhere. Not necessarily for any reason but they just aren't. It makes it really hard to still pray. I feel like I'm past the 4th watch and the Lord had forgotten me. This morning driving to church I was frustrated at myself and told the Lord you know, I've done the things that you have asked of me, I've been faithful, what else am I suppose to learn. Why do I have to feel like I'm all alone here. Its not a good feeling. I hate feeling this way. I'm trying to get past these feelings but Satan sure knows me to well, but I know that Heavenly Father is there. I have know that for many years.  The knowlege that he has given me, just one person, so that I can deal with things in my life.  I have to remember that, He can and will help me I but just need to have patience. But its not always in my nature to be patient. I use to tell my kids "Patience is a virtue and virtues never hurt you". Now I must remind myself of this. Rereading this book, has been good. Its just a short book, easy reading, but lots to think about. I know I'm rambling but I'm just trying to sort through my thoughts.


John and Rachael said...

I have been in your situation before, where it semms like - despite urgent pleadings on my part - heaven is silent. Times like these are hard but I have discovered either one of two things is true. 1. Heavenly Father is waiting for me to discover something. There is something I am missing that he wants me to know or learn on my own. In this instance I change my thoughts to "What do You want me to learn?" Or, 2. It is not the right time to grant my request. This is the hard one. I want things done now and want them done the way I want them. It is sometimes hard for me to trust that He who knows all and loves me dearly is doing right by me. But, in the end I always look back and think "Wow, he really did answer my prayer in the best possible way and in the best possible time (though not always how I want him to). Sorry for the long comment, now I am rambling. This is something that has been on my mind lately.

marcia@joyismygoal said...

I love that fourth watch God story I have it on CD and I think we are to learn patience a lot of the times and also sometimes that we are not able to pray away someone else's free agency as parents that is so hard to accept

Anne said...

It also reminds me of John Bytheway talking about life being a 4 act play, and never in act 3 do you hear the words "happily ever after".
I'm sorry you are feeling down- it's a lonely place to be.
You are such a strong person, and I have always admired you. When you get through this rough patch it will be that much more for me to learn from you :)

Cee Cee said...

Thank you so much for sharing these very personal thoughts with us. It's nice to know that I am not the only one who struggles with feeling forgotten at times. I guess we all do. I also know in the deepest part of my heart that God loves each of us and is truly listening, but, being human, it can feel like an eternity till we get an answer. Hang in there. It will come. Love you.

txmommy said...

sorry, I don't know why things seem to not work out the way we want and why sometimes things are just plain un fair. But I do know, and I know you do too, that Heavenly Father loves us and has a plan for us.

I really admire you and love you and am grateful to have you for a friend. If there is something I can do let me know.