Sunday, August 17, 2008
When your prayers seem unanswered
Several years ago I bought this book by S. Michael Wilcox. I read it then, the other night I was looking for another book and rediscovered this one. I guess at this time I must need it, as I picked it up there was a page that was marked about God being a 4the watch God. It gives the example of when Christ had feed the 5,000 and he instructed his disciples to get into a boat and pick him up later. He spent time in prayer and the disciples went into the boat. The storm came and they were fearful for their lives, they did not know that Christ was watching them. They only knew that the storm was bad and they had rowed along time, they were tired and exhausted. Christ came to them and and told them to be of good cheer and it was him. I imagine the disciples would rather have had Christ come earlier to them, but he didn't. When Joseph Smith went into the grove of trees to pray, and felt like his very life was going to end, then a pillar of light came over him. It seems that the Lord tend to come when we are a moment of great despair. I guess I'm more of a please come early and take away any problems that I might be facing, I don't want to do this alone. I often think of the early saints and all that they went though. Would I have had the faith to endure? I would hope that I would. I can remember when my sister was going through a really diffcult time. My niece went to visit her dad and when it was time for him to send her back to Terri he did not. It took along time to finally get her back, but during this process one day I realized that I prayed for Cindy to be returned to Terri and (if) Bobby prayed (I doubt it) he would want Cindy to stay there. Not because he wanted her but because it would hurt Terri. I remember being on Roberts Cutoff and it came to me that if he answered my prayer then he would not be able to answer Bobby's prayer. Now I realize that I wanted what was best for Cindy and I don't feel he did. How can God answer mine and not his. Now here I am many years later, feeling like my prayers aren't going anywhere. Not necessarily for any reason but they just aren't. It makes it really hard to still pray. I feel like I'm past the 4th watch and the Lord had forgotten me. This morning driving to church I was frustrated at myself and told the Lord you know, I've done the things that you have asked of me, I've been faithful, what else am I suppose to learn. Why do I have to feel like I'm all alone here. Its not a good feeling. I hate feeling this way. I'm trying to get past these feelings but Satan sure knows me to well, but I know that Heavenly Father is there. I have know that for many years. The knowlege that he has given me, just one person, so that I can deal with things in my life. I have to remember that, He can and will help me I but just need to have patience. But its not always in my nature to be patient. I use to tell my kids "Patience is a virtue and virtues never hurt you". Now I must remind myself of this. Rereading this book, has been good. Its just a short book, easy reading, but lots to think about. I know I'm rambling but I'm just trying to sort through my thoughts.